I've Misplaced Something Important...Myself (It's Important to Read the Labels)

Just when I thought I was getting my life under control, we go and have another baby. Now I’m back to the balancing act of managing my mommy guilt but yet still finding time in the average 24 hour day for myself. I think prior to R2 coming into my life I had finally gotten R1 to the stage of being independent enough that the “pre-mommy me” had started to peek through all the labels I had applied to myself in the last 4 years. Labels, yes, I know, I said labels. I’ve sat here trying to figure out what word I’d use if I had one word to describe myself. (my brain hurts now, by the way…) Words like: Mom, Wife, Female are all pretty obvious. Then we get into the other words that define me such as Friend, Caregiver, Sister, Neighbor, Co-Worker. Those too, are pretty obvious. I could go with Christian, Believer, Faithful, but yet those still don’t encompass who I am entirely. Optimist isn’t present very often anymore, although Determined and Strong stick around even when I don’t think they will. Hopeful tends to be present more often than I expect. Manic, Frantic, Crazy, all visit at least a few times a week - especially in the mornings while trying to get out the door on time. Spontaneous doesn’t really apply often, unless you count actually going into BK instead of hitting the drive through. I’m not sure that there even is just one-word that would define a person. I just know that the “Mother of an Infant” label that I’ve re-acquired for myself is draining my energy and ability to perform up to par on the other labels I’ve tried to live up to, or even the labels I’d like to live up to. The label of “Wife” seems to be lacking in performance as of late. The Wife label is on vacation with Friend and Employee I think. Somehow I have to figure out what beach they are on and try to get them back. (However at this point, I’m not sure if I were them, I’d want to come back right now, until the Mom label gets R2 settled into a schedule and can actually cook dinner for a family once again.) Maybe I’ve lost myself in the middle of the growing pile of fast food take out containers that seem to be piling up on my kitchen counter. In the midst of all these words and labels, I seem to have lost myself. It makes me think of the commercial line that says “Help! I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up.” Only my commercial tag line is “Help! I’ve lost myself and I don’t know where to look.” (Secretly I think if I could only acquire the label of “Lottery Winner” so I could be a “Stay At Home Mom”, the old me that I’ve been looking for and missing would magically appear.)
-A